Saturday, January 15, 2011


The possibility of the other being just a part of your imagination.

Have you ever met a person who you think just can't be real? They have all the qualities of a perfect person and you can't stop wondering whether you're just dreaming, just imagining things in your own childish ways. You're living in a world created by yourself and seeing this world the way you want to see it. And you want to see this person as something with resemblance to perfection. How can you even prove that something is real? What if you're just living in a cave of your own mind and creating your surrounding as you lie on a hospital bed, comatized. These are hideous thoughts and I should definitely stop talking about them. And more than just that, I should stop thinking about them.

"I could die right now. I'm just... happy. I've never felt that before. I'm just exactly where I want to be." -Joel (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind)

Seeing a movie in which the main character has the same name as you really makes you reflect on the things the character says or does. You start putting the words of the character into your own mouth and the actions of the character into your limbs. Regardless, I felt that way yesterday. I felt so happy that I could've just died right there and then. I was exactly where I wanted to be. And I probably had never felt it before. In the movie, the character is lying on a frozen lake with the woman he loves, staring at the stars and the eternity. I understood why he could have died there later on that night. I could have too.

People aren't that happy too often. I think the majority of them are too afraid to feel that happy. And I can understand why. It's not the simplest thing to do to engage yourself into a near euphoric state of mind where you feel the most vulnerable. Being the saddest you can be can make you feel as vulnerable as being the saddest you can be. Feeling like you could die there, at that moment, is one of the most vulnerable feelings a human can have.

.no more, no less.

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