16012010

How do you break a promise?

I promised to do something next week, which I now regret. I don't want to make time to do it and how does one make time anyways? Time's just there, you can't make more of it. I don't want to do the things I promised to do, I'm not interested in putting time and effort into them. I want to call it off. But how do you do it? How do you break a promise?

My conscience is like an angry father, or even worse: a disappointed father. You try reasoning with it and you get a serious face looking at you through sad eye lenses. You explaining that you really have to break this promise and you get the same expressionless face. You shout at it, wave your hands in the air, stomp the ground, throw things around the room and yell .. the same face with no expression, only sad eyes but no face to connect them to. You throw yourself down on your knees and beg for a chance to break the promise you made. The father, my consceience, kicks you in the head with the black boot of self-consciousness.

You go back into your room with your nose bleeding because of the boot to the face. You start thinking of ways to cheat your conscience, to trick it. As easy as cheating in a chess game where your opponent doesn't take their eyes off you even for a millisecond. My conscience, the father, laughs this plan of deception off with a solemn laughter and slaps me in the face.

I can't break promises intentionally. I know that should be a good thing but it somehow feels like it's not. What an imperfect circle. And the chair I'm sitting on is creaking. It annoys me.

.don’t be that hand around my throat.