The cliff, part II.
People. A half a thousand of them, sitting with their suits and dresses on, myself among them. My knuckles were nearly colorless. White from clenching my fists together for the last hour or two. I couldn't remember I had ever been that anxious about anything. I do remember my friend asking me if I were anxious at all. I looked at him like he had asked me I had my pants zipped. No, I'm not anxious at all, I answered with a voice that almost drowned in cold sweat.
Suddenly people were clapping their hands together. My insticts told me to stand up and walk. My feet told me to sit down, collapse to the ground. I started walking from my seat and with every step the anxiety started diminishing. By the time I reached the stage I, in fact, did not feel nervous at all. I was as confident as an army commander is in front of his troops. Speech. A long, well-deserved round of applause. Out.
Two and a half years ago I was beginning to become what I always wanted to be like. Graduating top of my high school, being awarded for excellent grades, enrolling into a respectable university, achieving the rank of a officer, being awarded for my exceptional service, starting university with success in terms of grades and popularity among people, rumors of student organization presidency, being awarded for my constant activity.
Cause and effect, action and reaction, problem and solution, the story and the outcome. Things always have the side we do not know until we find it out ourselves. A bit over half year ago I was standing on the cliff. I was facing decisions I did not yet know of, challenges that had not yet shown their faces. No matter the outcome, I decided to take a leap of faith and exit my comfort zone with radical means. And as turned out, the drop from the cliff was a long one but worthwhile, for there was a treasure at the bottom.
Witnessing two oceans colliding from a cliff at Cape Reinga was a mythical moment. I was standing on a cliff looking down on a magnificent view and yet, I was standing at the bottom of the cliff looking up on the point I had jumped from. And I felt happy. Out of my comfort zone, but happy.
A man told me yesterday that he was in a pursuit for happiness. I don't think happiness is something you can pursue, something you would have to pursue. Happiness is just like air. It's all around you and all you have to do to be happy is inhale. And what else can you do anyways?