Tuesday, June 14, 2011



I feel like shit.

I feel inadequate, disappointed, worthless, useless, stupid, pitiful, beaten to the ground with fists of iron and a cement boot stamping on my face forever. I feel angry at myself. I've let myself down. I've taken the wrong path. I've made mistakes.

I'm afraid for my dreams. My dreams, made of water, are trickling away from my cupped hands and all I can do now is watch. Watch them fall silently to the ground and disappear.

Just a minute ago I had my head buried in my hands like it was just another dead object with no particular reason to exist. My fingers curled around the sides of my head holding it together, preventing it from crumbling. A single tear rolling down the valleys of this solemn face. It's 2 P.M. and I feel like I'm the most useless person on this planet.

And lonely. I've spent more times with friends in the last couple of days than I had in the whole last week. Yet, I feel so god damn lonely. I feel like I'm an animal in a glass prison. I don't want to live like this. Not anymore. I want to go home, want to be home.

And the best thing here, the very best, is that in an hour I have to be smiling at the desk of a hamburger restaurant. Wearing the blue cap, my thorned crown. The iconic symbol of my mistake.

Someone throw me a lifeline.

.of broken lives and dying dreams.

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