23052011

Searching for things not lost.

Wherever I stay
There's a feeling of so far away
I got no home town
I never put roots down

I bet you feel safe
Keeping your life in a cage
While I take my chances
But always collapses

I really don't know what it needs
To put my smile on
To turn the lights on
It always seems I'm falling down
They think I'm crazy
They think I'm crazy

There's a child in me,
Still hiding behind the old tree
But aren't we all hiding
'Till the moment we're dying
And maybe I'm free
But freedom just means that I'm lost
It feels like I'm driving
Without ever arriving

I really don't know what it needs
To put my smile on
It always seems I'm falling down
They think I'm crazy
They think I'm crazy

Wherever I stay
There a feeling I'm so far away
I got no home town
I used to run so fast 

The above song is Far Away by Blackfield. Whenever I want to explore my own thoughts this is one of the few artists that are able to give me the perceptive inner eyes to see what's really going on in there. I don't know exactly what the song is about but to me it seems like it's about a person who's consistently looking for experiences, a person needs to be on the move to be happy.

The person used be certain that his way of life was the right one. He took his chances, saw the world, experienced everything and always came out triumphantly on top. All this, he did with a sprinkle of arrogance in him, thinking of others as caged animals where he himself is free as a bird. Now something has happened and he has noticed that he would need to stop but it could be too late already. He used to see himself as a risk taker, now he sees himself as a man collapsed under his dreams. He used to think of himself as free, now he only feels lost in his world of freedom. He used to think that living life to the fullest was all that made him happy, now he thinks otherwise.

Through this fictional person I started thinking about what makes me happy. I do enjoy different experiences and they make me happy. I keep telling myself that I want to be seen as a man who has done everything in his life, and that should make me happy. That I can be happier than the people living in small towns doing nothing with their lives by experiencing the world, living around the globe, doing all kinds of different things, getting the most out of everything. But does it have to be that way, so that I would be happy? Would it be possible that I could be happy by just being, well, average. 

I actually stopped writing for a while when I got the word average typed out there. It felt like the word was so blank, something I couldn't simply relate to. So, no. I probably wouldn't be happy living my life doing nothing that special. I don't admire the people who can, I don't even understand them but I respect their choice of life. They're doing the best they can to be happy and I'm doing the best I can. There's always room for surprises and experiences in life that make us happy. We just have to open the door for them once in a while.

.all these people who smile.