Tuesday, May 17, 2011



I'm really bad at goodbyes. There are so many things I would like to say when saying my goodbyes to a friend but I always end up just smiling and pretty much repeating what they have said. It's because I'm afraid I'd cry when saying the goodbye in the way I'd like to. In the end I just end up feeling stupid ang thinking back on things I would've liked to have said. Then again, I think people always know what the other person would like to say when saying their goodbyes. I think it can be read from their faces.

My fractured face tonight said the following things to people I hold close to my heart:  

I am going to miss you so much that you actually might not have the slightest idea how much and I hope I'll see you again (even though I probably will not). You are one of the most genuine people I have met during this year.

I am going to miss you more than you are aware of. If every person in the world could smile like you, the sun would shine everyday.

Even though we playfully taunt each other, you still mean a lot to me and I can't think of a substitute for you. I want to hug you but I can't because I would end up bursting in violent tears. Last time I hugged 'my best enemy', that's exactly what happened.

You're both great guys and people don't give you enough credit for it. If I could transport my appreciation towards you both from my body to yours in a single handshake, I think it would be one long shake.

Keep on smiling because that's what you do best.

People are made of moments and I've shared so many small, short moments with you that have made my days complete that it comes close to the borders of impossible. Laugh and the world becomes a better place, and I won't have to miss you that much.

Leaning against your knee felt like being at home. You're the most calm and optimistic person I know and I hope that I can transfer at least a little bit of your life's wisdom with me to the world.

No matter how close to you I am, I nowadays find myself missing you almost everytime I see you or even think about you. I always thought missing someone was related to the distance between the two people - apparently it's not. You mean the world to me and I wish you would be able to see how much I miss you already.
I don't even know how much I'll miss you but when you stood outside tonight with a wide smile on your face, I felt like hugging you and clinging onto you for a year. I didn't, though.

You are a rock to people - something they can hold onto. I'm going to miss your reasonability and your steadiness, which are only the covers of your book. The pages hold wholly another story. This, I will miss.

Last November I said that missing someone is the most useless feeling there is. I said that you can never benefit anything from missing someone. It doesn't strengthen you and it doesn't make you feel good. I was wrong. Missing someone makes you finally realize what the person means to you, or meant to you. It makes you reflect on everything you ever did with this person and what you might be able to do in the future, or might not be able to. It makes you paint the scenarios without that person in your mind and you notice: there is a hole, a gap, a blank space. The person you miss should be there.

A tear for every person I have missed, a smile for every person I will miss.

.even the coldest heart can be brought to life when it's thrown into a fire of goodbyes.


  1. Kaunista. Toivottavasti kaikki iltaa viettäneet lukis tän. :>

  2. Ihania sanoja! Sua ja Mariaa tulee ikävä! Pidättehän toisistanne huolta siellä maailmalla?

  3. Niin tulee sinuukin, Reija. Marian puolesta en voi puhua, mutta mie ainakin piän siintä huolen - sen mie voin siulle luvata. :)

  4. vau..todella kauniisti kirjoitettu!
    Kiitos Joel! :)

    tämä teille molemmille..

    I carry your heart with me,
    I carry it in my heart.
    I am never without it,
    anywhere I go you go, and whatever is done
    by only me is your doing.
    I fear no fate, for you are my fate,
    my sweet I want no world for beautiful
    you are my world,
    my true and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
    and whatever a sun will always sing is you here is the deepest secret nobody knows
    here is the root of the root
    and the bud of the bud
    and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart.

    I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart.


  5. Hmm, kivan kuuloinen - pitää lukea enemmänkin Cummingsin kirjoitelmia. (: