Monday, April 4, 2011


Under (the control of) weather.

You wake up in the morning to see fog from your bedroom window. It's partially raining and you can't bear your vision further than your side of the street. It's gray, damp and your mind responds. This can't be a good day, no matter what you do.

I tried making today a good day. I honestly tried. I decided that since the weather is that gloomy, I might try myself to be joyful. I decided to do things that I found enjoyable or things that would make me feel good. I chose white clothets and didn't put on any leather shoes, even though the wetness of the ground would have suggested so. I put on my best smile. I would see a person I love today.

I ran some errands at the city centre. Errands that should have been fun - shopping for a foolish-looking ice hockey shirt, ordering some funny initiation pads for my brotherhood, going to the liquor store. The shirt cost too much and an old man had dropped a bottle to the floor of the liquor store and it smelled awful. The weather was getting worse. The pain in my ribs, which I've been having for the last week, got worse from the nothingness of the morning.

I had to eat lunch alone. I couldn't get an appointment to the doctor's today, couldn't even make an appointment, for Christ's sake. I had to sit alone for 45 minutes because, well, because I sort of wanted to. Yet, I wasn't even allowed the pleasure of doing that. The first lecture was a pain in the ass, boring as hell and useless as a twig in a sword fight. The second lasted longer than two eternities.

I tried being a gentleman between the lectures. I took a girl on my bike, so that she could cross a large puddle with me, riding on my bike. That made me happy. After the second lecture, I noticed that this gentlemanhood had cost me a tire. The rain had grown to a stronger shower, I had a flat tire and I had to walk home with my broken bike. I still decided I would grab a dinner and go to the gym to shake of these bad emotions and feel good about myself. Three sets at the gym and I couldn't take the throb in my ribs anymore. It had grown even worse and I had to leave the gym too, and walk home, with the bike with the flat tire.

I came home and remembered that I had to shop for some groceries today as well, so I wouldn't starve. I also remembered that my bike's flat tire would not fix itself this very moment, so I had to walk to the grocery store. And I forgot to buy bread, which was one of the only things I actually needed from the damn store. So, I had to go back.

Now I'm tired, hungry, on the verge of slight depression and the pain in my ribs hasn't subsided. Luckily there are people in my life who can try to make me happy when I, despite the hard trying to do so, cannot make myself happy on a rainy Monday.

.black rain falls down hard.

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