Thursday, February 24, 2011


Worried and worthless.

Yesterday I experienced something I haven't felt ever, I think. I was worried sick about someone for a short while. Just for a blink of an eye but nonetheless, worried. Up until now I had thought that worrying about others wasn't really my thing. You can worry about yourself and let me worry about myself. Now that I have felt honest concern for the well-being of another person, I feel confused. Should I worry about others too - how they're holding up in their lives, should I talk to them more, would they even notice that I care for them and have my concerns about them? I suppose some people would notice those things and some wouldn't.

Also, I have a huge lack of motivation towards studying at the moment. I promised myself I'd study this whole morning to a French exam I got later today but instead I've been doing so many worthless things and avoiding opening the books up to the best of my abilities. I just don't feel like studying at the moment and I don't like it how I can feel such lack of motivation towards something I normally enjoy doing (yes, I enjoy studying to an extent). My thoughts shift from one end to another and I can't focus. Maybe I should just give up and keep on doing worthless things.

.early morning ambulance.


  1. They're not worthless [activities], if you care about them. It's impossible to care about the same one(s) the same amount all of the time.

    and it's okay to fail (a little) from time to time too; don't be too hard on yourself~

  2. Failure isn't a suit I like to wear, not a part of my personality and its definitely one of the emotions I can't cope with too well. I guess that's why I'm mostly pretty hard on myself and don't want to spend time with 'second-hand' activities.