Not my current feeling but I've been thinking a lot lately about desperation and the concept of it as a human emotion. What drives that kind of darkness into a person's mind and what kind of actions it may resort to?
When I think of a desperate person I think of an average man living his everyday life. The man works hours 9 to 5, doesn't like of what he's doing with his life and emotions such as love and compassion are buried deep within his caved-in brains. Yet still he seems normal. He goes to bed every night, hoping not to wake up. And every morning he wakes up to that god forsaken sound of his alarm clock. He turns off the alarm, stares blankly towards his bedroom wall, even though he isn't exactly looking at anything. He just drills two holes into the wall with his eyes without thinking about anything. Then he grabs a basic 9mm pistol, inserts the gun into his dry mouth and, click.
Next evening around 10pm the man goes to bed again and finds himself waking up next morning to the ugliest sound on the whole planet: the alarm clock. He sits up on his twin-sized bed, staring at non-existent objects. The gun appears between his teeth again and the pistol is surrounded by the stench of cheap alcohol. Click.
Something inside the man's head tells him that maybe he should put a bullet into the gun next morning. Why bother? It's not like shooting yourself would make a difference.
.crawling out of rotted woodwork.it stings to breathe.when i don't even know what to do with myself.