Thursday, July 14, 2011


A veil of red wine.

I keep dreaming the same dreams every night. Me and my friends at a summer cottage with a conflict. The cottage is never the same but the feeling and the flow of the dream is. This repetence strikes me as negative. Am I waiting for a conflict in my life as well? Haven't there been enough lately?
Shame is something I will not openly discuss here because I am not ready for it. The feeling of shame is such a vulnerable subject that it can lead men to the edge of an abyss and have them pondering of jumping down. I wouldn't wish shame on my worst enemy because it's a feeling that eats the mind from the inside. If you have ever been unable to look a person in the eyes, you know what I'm talking about.

Yet, sometimes we have no choice but to accept our shame. This is what I ran into, this is what I have to face, this is what life brought me. Shame is just a veil for pride. When you take the veil off, you have a strong person who is proud of what they are. All it needs to take the veil of shame off is a little courage.

I carried my veil of shame for six years. Six years is a long time for a feeling that is eating your mind from the inside. A really long time. I met a person last fall, I sat down with this person for the first time in my life in my bedroom, I took my veil of shame off in front of this person I just met. And what became of me - a strong person who is proud of what he is. This person before whose eyes I took the veil off was the one first to tell me that I have grown as a person since we met last fall. And all it needed was a little courage.

"Never be ashamed,’ he said. ‘Accept what life offers you and try to drink from every cup. All wines should be tasted; some should only be sipped, but with others, drink the whole bottle.’
‘How will I know which is which?’
‘By the taste. You can only know a good wine if you have first tasted a bad one."

— Paulo Coelho (Brida)

.everything all of time.

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